When you imagine these fantasy scenarios in your mind, it seems so perfect. It is so perfect that you actually want it to happen. Strangely enough, for me, it did happen. It WAS perfect in my imagination but now that it's reality, it is far from perfect. In fact, it's way worse than I had could have ever imagined. 

Oh boys boys boys, you complicate my world so much. Never thought I would say that -____-"

New Years 2012 Post

Meh, I don't come here a lot but I feel a lot better when I vent out my feelings here. Well, every new year brings me a new surprise. As for this year, boys and relationships was the so called surprise. I mean, I totally did not see myself getting a boyfriend in the near future but so it happened. I got a boyfriend. Well being single for about 18 years gets you pretty excited for a relationship. Yeah, it is great. And so that was last year's surprise. About 15 minutes into this new year, I've had my surprise already. With being in a relationship comes a set of rules you are expected to know, one of them being that you need to stay committed to the relationship. In short, there is a line between cheating and being committed. There is no fine line that sets one apart from the other but it really depends on the couple in my opinion. So what I'm trying to say is that I feel as if I had crossed the line. What to do about it? Well, I'm going to be truthful and tell exactly what happened. On a side note, I tend to over think things so whether I feel like I did something wrong or not is now highly dependent on my boyfriend. If he is not comfortable with what happened, then I learn from my mistake. If all goes well...well, lucky me! Yeah, I've never thought I would be in such a situation but I'm growing up aren't I. Imagined scenarios are becoming reality.

End of rant. 

Mental Unrest

Lately, there has been this uneasy feeling in the back of my mind. There's this sense of loneliness, a feeling of being unable to feel mentally comfortable anywhere. I have changed too much to feel like I'm still on the same page as my old friends but I have not changed enough to be in complete comfort with my new friends. As for my parents, it has always been difficult to communicate. Everything feels bearable when I don't give it much thought but when that uneasy feeling strikes, it really makes me feel lonely. To be honest, there are only about two or three people right now that I feel comfortable talking with.

This blog is getting lonely. I doubt that anyone even reads this anymore but I like to blog here just so I can look back at it myself. Whether anyone pays attention to all this stuff or not is beyond my care. 

Anyways, just a thought that floated into my mind today. In high school, the thought of someone going out with someone who was 20+ years old seemed like such a big deal since someone that old just seemed THAT MUCH older. Then, it came to my attention that someone who was of that age is not that much older than us. I'm so used to thinking that someone of that age is beyond the reach of teenagers like us. I'm still not very aware of the fact that I have gotten older. That much older. Funny thing that someone like that hit me because I'm in the same situation myself. If I were to tell this situation to someone else, they would probably be a bit overwhelmed by it. But when you really think about it, I'm 18 and someone who is 20 is only two years older than me. Surprise surprise. Oh we're all getting older. The fact of it is just not hitting us yet. Time flies. 

First Impressions

"I guess when you're young first impressions  are everything. Sometimes you miss who a person really is." 

I don't know if I can call myself young anymore but I suppose my mentality towards certain things qualify, always doubtful and regretful of my actions. 

I'm not here to put anything or anyone on blast but it just makes me feel better if I vent this out. 

So last night, we unexpectedly met our new room mate who unexpectedly moved in. Because I didn't anticipate anyone moving in until September (according to the move request form) I wasn't too concerned about turning in the move request form. So the new room mate came into the suite thinking that she was supposed to be in the bed I was now occupying but she and the staff were not informed about my move since I unofficially moved there. That resulted in some conflict which included a scolding from the staff and an unhappy new room mate. At first, I was just mad at everything and everyone because the whole situation was blown way out of proportion. Because of this, I had an unpleasant first impression of our new room mate. After I calmed myself down, I came back to my senses and backed out of my anger. Today, as I was returning to the dorm to discuss the meeting situation (We have to go through some meeting/counseling session to settle this since they said so.) I was scared that she would have the same reaction as she did last night. To my surprise, she was calm and she apologized for not being the nicest person last night. I made my apologies and the conflict was resolved. Right then and there, I threw the whole bad impression of her out of the window. First impressions are pretty important to me but when something drastic happens that changes my perspective, I am more than willing to forget the first impression I had and to start brand new. 

So glad that this was easily resolved :D